Deciding to Apply

My husband started talking about Oral Surgery his second year of dental school.  He was concerned about the strain a residency would put on our family, but he also wasn't sure if he would be competitive enough to even get in.  Despite his concerns he didn't want to ruin his chances of getting in if he decided to go that route.  He knew Oral Surgery was extremely hard to get into and wanted to give himself the best possible chance, so he began getting involved in as many things as possible. 

He was already involved in running the schools Veteran's clinic but also got involved in research, indexing, ASDA, grading, and more.  All of this made him super busy which meant he wasn't around much.  It was hard for me, but it was a good introduction of what to expect during a residency and to see if I could handle it. 

Next he began his externships.  He did an externship during almost every week he had off during his entire third year (some schools are more supportive and will allow your husband to do this during the school year, but ours didn't).  He did an 80 hour emergency externship at the trauma center in town during his spring break.  He did a week long externship during one of his semester breaks in the spring and during his summer break he did two, week long externships in the Midwest and East coast.

All of this was very taxing on our family but it was good for us to evaluate and see if a residency was something my husband would love and something we would be willing to sacrifice together.  It was extremely important that we figured this out BEFORE we applied.

As we've gone through this process I've realized a few things.

1- Yes, residency life is hard, but everyone has hard things that go on in their life.  I've known people whose husbands work almost as many hours as a resident with no monetary reward to look forward to in the future.  If you decide residency life is right for you, remember: It's just 4-6 years and it will be worth it in the end.

2- Sacrifice is good.  M. Russell Ballard said, "Sacrifice is a demonstration of pure love...The principle of sacrifice should be taught in every Latter-day Saint home and should be practiced in many simple yet important ways. " (April, 1992).

As your husband sacrifices his time and energy to provide a good life for your family in the future and as you sacrifice your time and energy to allow your husband to focus on his job (hopefully something he loves), you are expressing pure love to one another and showing your children what pure love is. 

3- Even though residency life can be tough on the family and its not an ideal choice for a family, it HAS been done before.  Elder Russell M. Nelson is an internationally renowned surgeon and medical researcher. 

I found this link about Elder Nelson and loved what it said about his dedication to family:

"But no matter how involved Elder Nelson has been in important activities, his top concern has always been his family. His children say that he has always made it a priority to be at home when he is at home, and over the years, his devotion has repeatedly reassured them of their father’s love for them.  Even with a difficult schedule, he made time to establish a lasting relationship with each one."

4- Lastly.  Someone always has it harder.  I have a friend who is wonderful, has two young children under the age of 7 and has been a widow for almost two years.  Whenever I think my life is hard, I think of her and her challenges and more importantly, her strength.  Then I know I have strength to move forward.

Residency life isn't an easy road, but if you decide together that you want to pursue that route, you can do it and it will be worth it.